can we talk for a sec

i'm not perfect. i make mistakes. will continue to make them. i have faults. i have flaws. i have vices. but so does everyone else in this world. 

like i said, i make mistakes. i know that my personality can be brash. i have a smart ass mouth. i may say things that may hurt people's feelings. but if you don't tell me, i won't know. i can't read minds. i'm talented but not that talented. tell me if i've offended you in some way. if i did something to you for whatever reason, tell me. don't just stop talking to me. don't just sit there and let it linger. my sister does that. she'd get pissed off and then not say anything. and i would have to tell her  "if you were mad, say something". she would brush it off but still carry the resentment. give me the opportunity to apologize and make amends. regardless of whether to you forgive me or not, at least allow me the chance to make things right. but giving me the silent treatment... why? if i don't know that i am the cause of you not talking, how do i make it right... or at least apologize for my mistake. i'll ask once if you're ok. if you tell me that you are but continue to give me shade, i let it go. i don't keep hounding you or asking if i did something wrong. that's what guilty people do. they want to know if you've discovered the dirt that they did so they keep running in behind you to find out when the shoe is going to drop.

these last few days have taught me that you should say what's on your mind. don't wait until it's too late and that person is no longer here. yes it may hurt but at least you've had your say and that person know how you feel. they can either make it right or leave it be. either way, you've made your peace. 

tumble down...

wow... damn... it's been a good lil minute since i've been on here. wow. where have i been! geez! anyway... guess i'll catch you up on me. um... since august....

well on 2nd thought... i don't feel like doing all that.

i'm in my feelings. nah not those "i need some slow jams and brown liquor" feelings. i'm deep in them... like dark thoughts. some of them may frighten the faint of heart.

i want to "rape and torture" my lover. i want to tie them up. i want to slit their shirt from the bottom to the top. then straddle their helpless body and press the knife to their throat. "don't say a word,bitch", i'd whisper. "i don't want to hurt you but i will if you say a word." i'd stuff the remnants of their shirt into their mouth.before getting off their body. i'd then divest them of their pants and once they're completely naked... i'd survey my prey; staking out my approach.... so many possibilities....

i also think i have a problem with the word bitch... i fricking love that word! omg... so fucking sexy. well i meant during sex. i once had a guy that i would do self love for. i could rub my figgy pudding and then he'd say in this low powerful voice "cum for me, bitch" and i swear my entire fuckin body would convulse! hot as hell! now if you call me a bitch outside of the bedroom, eh... i don't think i'd cum. well depends on WHY you said it. but it's a turn on while we are in that zone. i know i've called a few of my lovers a bitch. heeeheee... shocked a couple of them. but hell, i was on it!

pain is pleasure. yes i love some pain with my sex. spank me, bite me, choke me.... yes yes yes and moooore yeeeeees!

i also get in my little girl feelings. no... not that i want to be a kid again. but i want to have my "daddy" cuddle me while he tell me all of the dirty slutty things that he will be doing to me.

i'm not even going to get into my deep fascination with femdom! *sssqqquuueeaaal!!!!*

ok i gotta go so i can burrow deep into this hole and satisfy myself mentally with my thoughts.

smooches...bitch!!

random ass rambling thoughts

i like porn. hell i love porn. i'm about to watch it now. all kinds. just not that granny shit. makes my stomach queasy. or hairy folks. and i don't do the romantic shit. i want some good hard pounding ass porn. not necessarily ass pounding...well you know what i mean.


i can't stand these thirsty ass dudes that be giving these rat faced chicks all of these compliment just so they can try to smash or get a pussy pic. i know i'm not a beauty queen but gaaaaaaatdaaaayuuum! summa these broads be looking like they got kicked in the face with a hot football cleat! then these ol dirty ass knuckleheads be gassing they asses up talking about, "looking good ma". nucka, where??? point that shit out and highlight it so i can find it! shit. stop fucking lying to thee booger wolf ass bitches!

can't stand a punk ass dude either. you wanna think that you are a gift from heaven when you more like a surprise from hell. sit yo monkey ass down somegotdamnwhere! wanna be talking about chicks need to be natural and don't wear weave. but these same clown ass dudes be jockin the heifas with weave all down the crack of their asses. boy miss me with that shit!

i need a drink. well rather i want a drink. wish i had a nice riesling . mmmm.... and some bread pudding. i should make some. that would be so good! i could put some white chocolate chips and macadamia nuts in it. yum! ok i'm making myself hungry!!

i think i wanna be bad. well not that bad. but i think i wanna go out and tongue kiss a stranger. or maybe kiss a woman. that would be some shit! hahahaha! iono...hell may just do both! note to self... buy gum and mints in case you do go out tomorrow. and blow pops! i may even feel a guy up! and i won't even drink so i can't say the alcohol made me do it! oh who am i kidding! you know i'm drinking! but i'm daring myself to do something devious! challenge on!

i really should go have a drink...and watch my porn. just don't feel like getting my lazy ass off the bed though. don't make no sense to be this lazy. oh well oh hell. i get up early in the damn morning. i can be tired.

i want my toes sucked on! someone licked my toes monday and now i'm feenin for the shit! made my body tingle in a good way! mmmm.... and i bet he would do it like he was eating pussy too! well hell he said he would eat that too! lawdjeefus!

speaking of pussy... well my yoni. i like that word... yoni... (thanks EJD for introducing it to me) anyway, i wanna get her waxed. just rip that shit right off! i bet the pain would feel good. dammit, Sweetness jumped just thinking about that shit! mmmm love a little pain with my pleasure. i had an orgasm getting my tattoos! i want another one of those too!

told you this shit was random. oh well... off to lobster tube and some solo masturbation. i love touching my yoni. just like rubbing velvet. and she's sooo pretty pink! you wanna touch her too? maaaybe! anyway... tata for now!

smooches!

don't shit on my craft

i'm a writer. yup, i am. i tried to deny this gift but i couldn't. i wasn't born knowing i could write. but i discovered and dammit i'm good at it. could i make a career of it? who knows. but it's not why i put the proverbial pen to paper. i don't do it to make money. hell i don't even write for the masses. i write out of enjoyment. i write because sometimes...i just have to. i may never finish a story but sometimes i just have to get those thoughts to paper.

i was talking to a friend of mine while she was doing my hair. she mentioned that i could be "rich and famous". i just nodded and didn't really comment. yes, it would be nice to not have to punch a clock and get dressed in order to make a living. i would love to wake up, make a pot of jamaican blue mountain roast and power up the laptop and crank out some chapters and shoot them to my overpaid editor in new york that only calls me 'babe" or "bubulah". but alas, that's not my path... or at least it isn't right now.

do i even care to make it rich with my writing? i don't think i do. do i care that the people who read it will enjoy it? yes i care a great deal. am i going to let it make or break me or stop me from picking up a pen? hell nah!

then i was speaking to another friend, a fellow writer. he asked if i was going to use an alias when i published. um.. why would i do that? i wrote this not some fake ass named person. i want folks to know that Ms. Tee wrote every single solitary juicy erotic ass word on every damn page! i don't want folks guessing as to what i may look like or what kind of person i am. you're gonna know it cause i'm gonna post my fat ass face on the back of every book and have it plastered on my website. bam! right there in your face with it!

someone once asked me why do i write about sex and if i've done everything i've written about. i write about sex because i like it... well love it. why not write about it? and it's not always about the sex. there's a story around the sex. i promise. also, as to whether or not i've done everything... well some of it. maybe not in that same scenario but i've done it. and if i haven't done, i've probably seen it in a porno or some other racy ass show and thought "well why the hell not!"

please don't compare me to zane. i have nothing against her. i have her books and i follow her on facebook. but i'm not her and don't profess to be like her. my name is tarius and that's the only person i can be like. now if you ask if i write in the same genre as zane, i would answer yes. but i am NOT like her.

i know this was kinda all over the place... but i'm an artist and i can do that shit. if you don't like it, get the hell on somewhere. ain't nobody ask you shit no damn way! don't come at me twisted about my shit if you can't offer constructive criticism. don't come at me with no bullshit about it ain't this and it ain't that. in the words of a famous lyricist, Erykah Badu "keep in mind i'm an artist. and i'm sensitive about my shit!" if you ain't tryna raise me up, i don't need you tryna tear me down!

smooches!

i'm just so... uuuugggh!!!

i'm so fucking frustrated right now!!! i need insurance for me and my child. i had her on the state plan but that got cancelled because they said i made too much money. the fuck? but i can pay for these welfare bitches to keep having all of these fucking kids? really?? where the fuck they do that shit at? so now i'm scrambling to try to find some damn insurance so that just in case my daredevil ass child decides to do a backflip off her bed, i can rush her ass to the hospital! heaven forbid if she gets sick. that means i gotta go sit my ass in the county just to be treated. fucking bullshit ass system!

i log on to try to find some damn insurance and these rates are so fucking high! geeeezus! who the fuck has this kind of money? what the fuck is obamacare? is this shit supposed to be cost effective? i love my president but if that muthafucka ain't making this shit easier and affordable for me to obtained, then he can kiss my ass too. fucking.... aaarrrggghh!!!

the hell else wrong with me? i'm so sick of popping these damn ibruprofen for back and hip pain. i'm like a frackle nackle crackhead with these damn things. hell i think i'm just taking now cause i've gotten used to them. ain't working for shit.

can't stand folks that wanna be shady and shit when they know good and hell well that their asses done done wrong. yes i know that was grammatical incorrect but their shady asses don't deserve correct grammar. so this skeezer done tried to start some shit and when the shit is discovered and they stop fucking with her, she wanna act all indignant and shit. bitch... ain't nobody falling for that shit. now you all nervous and quiet cause you don't know when somebody is gonna haul off on your monkey ass. you need to be scared. ol shady bird ass!

i hate talking on the phone now. i really do. so if you call me and we're not cool like that, please be brief with my damn time. like this fool from the job calls me on my phone. i answer because the number was from the office. i'm thinking i left something or whatever. i answer and it's "morgan freeman". wtf?? he calls to tell me that one of his people that he setup for a big ass payment called him to cancel the payment. are you outta your ever loving 70 soul brother ass mind? dude, you better be glad that my ass was stunned into a freaking stupor to ask you what the hell did he want me to do about it! did he want me to pay for it? did he want me to go get it from them? whatever in the hell... THE SHIT COULD'VE BEEN SAID WHEN I GOT TO THE OFFICE TOMORROW! don't call me no effin more with that shit!

so now that i've finished bitching, i'm gonna go enjoy my daughter until it's time for her lil butt to go to bed in 70 minutes.

smooches!

is that me?

i'm still learning to love all of my body. i still look in the mirror sometime and marvel at my body. lately, i've been in love with my booty! all my life, i've hated my butt. my mama and sister had/have the best butts and hips. you know the ones that make a man do a double take (and in my mom's instance, the lady that lived next door!). i never had that booty. insert sad face. so i'm going thru my years not looking behind me cause i didn't like the view.

 i get married and still don't like my booty. it no curve whatsoever. now according to my sister in law and her friends, i got a butt. uh...no. i'm just wide but ain't no weight on it. here recently, i started looking back at it and i'm like where in the hell did that come from?? i finally got myself a boooooooty!!! i'm so happy! i'm doing the gator dance and er'thang! 

now folks are telling me i gotta learn how to twerk. um no. i don't have to do that. i'm already married. and even if i wasn't... i love sports, i cook, give head and swallow an i do anal. nah, i don't think i need to twerk. i'm good. as long as i know how to bounce my ass on the dick, that's all the dancing i need to do.

so take an inventory of yourself ladies. what part of your body have you had a love/hate relationship with? embrace it!

smooches!

really?

i consider myself a good friend. i will admit that i'm not sitting up on the phone with you all day and i may not go out with you all the time. but if you need me, i'm there for you. now if you ask to borrow some money from me, then i expect you to return me my money. i loaned a friend of mine some cash. she gave me a sob story and i bought it. her words were "i'll pay you back on my next paycheck". ok, cool. um... maybe i should've asked when that payday was. it's been 3 months and i ain't seen nan nickel of my money. yet in still, she's posting up on facebook all this shit that she's been doing and buying. really? um ok. next time, miss me with that sad bullshit. you get a deaf ear. you wanna be texting me, saying you miss me. yeah...well.. bitch i miss my money. maybe we can have a meet and greet.

i like to dance about as much as the next person. i like hanging out with my girls and having a good time. but i don't have to go out. i'm good either way. hell, most times, after dealing with a long ass work week, my energetic ass daughter and taking care of house and home, i don't feel like going out. does it make me a bad person? nope. maybe dull. but hey... fuck you too. if you ask me if i want to go out and i tell you no, don't keep asking me. i've already said no. you're the one that's getting your feelings hurt by steadily asking me. if you say that you are going out to a place that i've previously told you i don't like, why do you get mad when i tell you i don't want to go? wtf?? are you deaf???

i'm married. but it's not perfect. what marriage is? i do understand the plight of my friends that have become bored in their marriages. but if you're going to step out on him, have a good ass plan when you are trying to sneak out to meet your side piece. if you have children that you have to make plans for, have a solid plan and stop talking in front of them. especially if that child talks too damn much! make sure that you have a back up plan in case the 1st one goes bust. if that one fails, then please reschedule. also, if you are involving other folks in your scheme, you gotta make sure that they are down for your plan and that they know what they need to say or do in case they are questioned by the spouse. you can't switch shit up and then expect all the players to know what the hell is going on. you can't get mad if they are still going on the 1st play and you didn't call an audible to say that you are going with a hail mary. really?

i'm not a psychologist but i do think that i'm a fairly intelligent individual. if you come to me with a problem and ask me my advice... don't just do it to do it. if you just want to vent, that's cool. i won't say shit. i'll just let you talk. not a problem. but if you ask me my advice and i give it to you, don't shit on it. don't continue with the same fucked up ass behavior and then keep coming back to me asking me what the hell you should do. bitch, i told you a month ago what the fuck you should do! did you listen then? hell nah. so guess what... i'm no longer sympathetic. i'm no longer listening to you with both ears. you may get the gas face. whatever the case is, my patience with you has run out. my next advice for you is to tell you to get the fuck outta my face with that bullshit!

uuuugggh... really?